‘If Pork Isn’t Banned, We’ll Have To Leave America’ -Muslamian Council
The prominent Muslammic-American relations group, “Islamia Coexistence Embassy”, has been bemoaning the American diet for years, claiming that it is “in direct confrontation with their desires.” ICE feels that the United States should adapt to their wishes by promoting a nationwide ban on the slaughter and consumption of pork products.
ICE spokesperson Mustafa B’Jaii explained more:
“Americans are filthy pigs. And yet they eat pigs. That’s cannibalism and cannibalism is against god.
But pigs are against god no matter what. Disgusting animals. They lie in their own feces, you know. And they have cloven hooves like Satan. That is why Allah forbids their consumption in every faith, not just Islamia. They are the embodiment of Satan.
Is this the voice of a new America? (I dunno. But it’s an upcoming story)
That’s why Americans will all burn in hell for eternity. They ignore the will of God. Their bible clearly states that the cloven hooves are forbidden, yet they eat nothing but bacon. In every meal…..bacon. They are all doomed.
So the solution to our needs is also in the best interest of the cannibals. Ban the pork and then all in the country will find everlasting peace with Allah in the afterlife.
Really…that’s all it takes. Cut the bacon and rest in His arms.”
We are a Christian nation, B’jaii. We don’t follow your cult rules. And never refer to our Good Book. We are American! We get to choose which parts get us into heaven. That is how God intended it.