Conservative pundits, Republican leaders, and a collection of the most irrational dimwitted pumpkinheads are rejoicing this morning at reports of Attorney General Barr handing down an indictment for Barack Obama, and filing charges in Congressional court. The circumstances, however, may be surprising.
Since his start at the Justice Department, Barr has been not-so-subtly egged on by President Trump to somehow attack the former President who makes former failed businessman and reality show host Trump look like a dumpster full of pig feces set ablaze and rolling down a hill towards a gunpowder warehouse that’s next door to a nuclear waste dump.
But after a week or so of research, Barr found himself awash in deep admiration. He spoke to a reporter from the Washington Daily Queefton earlier this morning:
“I just really got to like the man, you know? Read his and his wife’s books, reviewed their accomplishments….and let me tell you, he makes Trump look like a filth-covered caveboy in soiled underwear running around rolling in dog turds.
That’s why I’ve indicted President Obama, so I can meet him in person, and announce that I’ve filed charges to have Congress declare him officially the Coolest President Ever. Like with a plaque and a statue, and stuff.”
Also not being jailed for imaginary crimes: Hillary Clinton. Die mad, potatoes.
President Trump has not yet commented on the news yet, but experts agree that might be because he only watches phony Fox News programming, and barely reads anything besides Big Mac wrappers.